…I am a failure. Or at least I feel like one. I was to be abstinent and I was to have completed my 90 meetings in 90 days last week. But - I failed.
I heard something the other day - that if someone in recovery can’t pinpoint their ‘turning point’ that they are destined to fail. Do you think that’s true? I haven’t really hit a ‘bottom’ and I can’t really pinpoint my pivot. I just want to get healthy - but I guess I don’t want it bad enough, or I’m lazy or something. I don’t know…
What I do know is that OA is the key - or more specifically me and my HP are the key. I have this disease that will never get better until I commit myself fully to working my program. I can’t do that right now - or maybe right now is exactly when I need to do it. I don’t know…but for now OA is on the back burner and I am going to concentrate on just taking care of myself for now. Maybe it will all fall into place…someday.
Thursday, September 13, 2007 at 14:18
You only fail if you stop working it.
I’ve never heard the thing about being able to pinpoint your turning point. I can only pinpoint it because I was writing a blog post when the decision to not eat sugar for the rest of the day was made. I didn’t know at the time that this time I could string many more days after that one.
Please try to hold on to OA. I understand that things are crazy for you. In the next post you write about just going with the flow. This is surrendering. This is exactly what you should do to best take care of yourself. Just hand it over to HP as needed each day and you will find serenity.
I can’t. God can. I think I’ll let God.
And the 90 meetings thing? We aren’t allowed to beat ourselves with program. Be happy about all the meetings you did attend and let the others go. (Easy advise to give, harder to take.)
I’m praying for you.
Dodi