YAY B!!

Today B and I met with C.  B had his progress report done.  I usually cry from frustration when we go see Chris - I almost cried today - this time out of sheer happiness and pride.  I think B may have gotten the message last week!

 

Lessons Learned

Hi “C”.

I’ve been going to email you since last night and I keep getting sidetracked!

I just wanted to let you know that ”B” is doing better this week.  He got everything done and turned in on Tuesday - he even had notes from teachers to prove it.  I think he was pretty amazed with himself.  He said - “I could have gotten that done on Friday”.  I think he and I both learned something this week.  I know that I learned that even though it’s hard to do, if I back up my words with actions we’re both better off for it.  I’m very proud of him and told him so.

I know we’re not out of the woods, but it’s a small victory!  Hopefully he will remember to get that progress report filled out for you.  I’ve reminded him a couple of times that he needs to start tomorrow.  I guess we will see…

Thanks for all your help and support.

That’s the email I sent to B’s officer.  Last week, we ended up talking to him on Friday after school.  C completely backed me up.  He told B that he supported me and that he clearly made the choice not to do the work and that correlated to him choosing to be grounded from computer for the weekend.  B didn’t realize until Sunday that it was a long weekend.  Too bad for him.  I actually stood my ground this time.  I didn’t allow B to bargain with me or talk me out of what I had said.  It felt good.  I think we both learned something this week.

I learned that if I back my words up with actions that we’re both better off for it.  It feels damn good too.  To have won, to not feel defeated.  It was incredible.  I could get addicted to this.  I feel like this was a major breakthrough!

I think B learned that I’m strong enough to stick to my word.  To not give in to him.  He knows now that I’m serious.  He’s very smart and intuitive.  I think he also respects me more for it.

I know this post seems like everything’s perfect.  This is only a small victory in this battle.  The first of many I’m sure.  So - while we did get that bright light, hallelujah moment, it was just that.  A moment.  This is only the 3rd week of school so we have a ways to go.  Progress none-the-less, and progress is good. 

WoooooT!

 

The latest on Mr. B

I told B when school started that he could stay up until 11 IF he got up on time and kept his grades up.  He got up late today - it’s been later and later everyday.  I ended up having to take Miss T to school while he finished getting ready.  I told him off computer time was changing back to 10.

I’ve been checking his assignments and he’s got a few that are missing.  I told him last night that he would have 1 week from date listed on the web for the particular assignment to get it turned in.  That week would give him time to talk to teacher or whatnot and the teacher time to pulbish grades to the web.  I think that’s more than fair. In fact, now that I think about it - that’s not going to work.  My rule is missing assignment = no computer.  No excuses.  If he turns in assignments when they’re due then there’s no need for that extra week.  End of story.  Exceptions can be made for illnesses or other unavoidables.  He’s going to hate it and it will be loud and dramatic at my house next week, but that’s just too bad.  He’s got to learn.

Here’s an email I send to his YS this morning:

Hi [C].  How are you?  I’m finally getting my schedule worked out with all the drop offs and pick ups and such.  I would like to arrange to have meetings on Wednesday afternoons - would that work for you?  What time slots are available? 

B’s attendance looks good so far.  A couple of tardies but that’s it.  He’s also done really well with his ID - taking it everyday - and hasn’t lost it yet.  He did lose 2 notebooks so far though.  He lost the first one in the first couple of days of school.  His counselor said she’s noticed a change in him and that he seems much more “up” this year - happier. B signed up for night school too - it will be Tues. and Thurs. from 345 to 545 and will earn him a missing science credit which will put him in a little better shape.  Night school starts on Sept. 12.

B had been doing well with assignments, but in the last week or so he’s been making poor choices.  He chose not to participate in an audition that is classified as a test in his improv class.  He still has missing assignments from the day he was sick (08/23).  There are several other assignments not turned in as well.  I know we gave him this month to prove himself, but it’s driving me crazy to sit by while he fails. 

He has consequences which I made well known before school started.  The rule was missing assignment = no computer until it’s turned in.  He was sick one day so I gave him some extra time.  That was the 23rd.  I’ve reminded him several times about it and he’s still doesn’t have it in.  I even gave him a print out of each class where there were missing assignments - he just leaves it laying around and doesn’t take action on it.  I told him today that Friday was it.  He refused to get out of the car this morning after I told him that.  He said do I have computer or not?  I said if your assignments are turned in by Friday and he said, “Give me the weekend to work on them.  Now do I have computer or not?”  I said if your assignments are turned in by Friday.  He said he needed the weekend because he wouldn’t have time to get them done along with other homework and have time to play computer tonight.  I said “Then you’ve got some choices to make.”  He replied, “Give me the weekend.  Do I have computer or not?”  My answer was the same and I added that he needed to get out of the van and go to class.  We went back and forth like this for a couple of minutes.  I finally told him I was not changing my mind.  He got out and slammed the door and walked toward the school.  I just found out that he did not attend his first class.  I dropped him off between 8:05 and 8:10 - so he should have been marked “tardy after ten”, but he was marked absent so I’ve got an email out to Coach Tanner to see if he showed up or not.  I’ll let you know.

I talked to his counselor and let her know about his diagnoses and asked if there was anything we could do at this point - she suggested a staffing to discuss his diagnoses with his teachers just to make them aware of his struggles and offer suggestions for how to deal with him in the classroom.

Sorry to ramble on - I just wanted to let you know what was going on.  I almost brought him to you this morning since he refused to get out of the car.  I don’t know what to do.  On the one hand he’s doing really well - remembering ID, signing up for night school, attendance, but on the other hand, he’s going to fail his classes.

Thanks and let me know about time slot for check-in each week.  If you think it would help if you saw B or talked to him this week, let me know - I’m pretty open today and tomorrow.

Thanks,

D

I don’t know where this is going…I hope he bucks up and pulls it together.  I am preparing for the worst.  I am applying at the Military Academy that I talked to last year and I am appying for a loan for such.  I refuse to go through another year like the last.  I’m not wasting time this year with ‘just one more’ chance and let’s try this and let’s try that.  It’s do or die so to speak for Mr. B.

I’ve always believed that drugs would help B.  Now that I’m really analyzing his actions and his choices, I’m not so sure.  Since his diagnosis, he’s changed many of his behaviors.  He’s learned ways to deal with some of the undesireable behaviors.  That’s great that he’s learned to manage them.  Now that I know he’s capable of controlling his behaviors to some level, I can see that there are many times when he just makes bad choices.  Like choosing to play computer instead of doing homework.  It’s nearly impossible to keep up - he can always say he doesn’t have homework.  I can’t force a pencil into his hand.  I can’t force him to keep track of his materials and turn them in on time.

What I CAN DO is change his environment.  I can limit his computer time so he has more unoccupied time that perhaps he’ll choose to use for homework.  I can offer gentle reminders, but I refuse to let him throw away his opportunity for education.

Wish us luck…?

 

Sick Kids and Stuff

B was sick yesterday - awoke achey and had a stomach ache.  I let him stay home.  I hope he gets caught up and that staying home doesn’t set him back in what he needs to accomplish this month.  He did do his photography homework yesterday afternoon once he started feeling better.  AND he took it to school with him today.  Hopefully he doesn’t forget to actually turn it in.  He forgot to turn in his collage and said that he had left it in Adam’s bag.  He did say that he talked to the teacher though and that the teacher agreed to accept it today.  So hopefully he’ll turn that in too.  B also forgot his ID today.  Luckily I asked him about it and we went back home and got it.

Miss T is sick today.  She awoke coughing and sniffling and said that her back hurt.  I hugged her and noticed she was a little warm.  She had a fever.  I gave her some meds and sent her back to bed.  Her fever’s broke now and she’s still a little stuffed up, but better I think.

 

Mr. B Update

Well - Mr. B didn’t get up early like he needed to which caused us all kinds of drama this morning.

He ended up going to the skate park last night which I think is what threw off his schedule.  I woke him at a quarter till 7 - which should have been plenty of time for him to get everything done, but he opted not to get his butt out of bed until 30 minutes later.  By then he needed to take a shower, dress, brush and such and he likes to leave here at 7:30.  Then he realized that he still hadn’t done the collage.  So he began to throw something together.

I’m watching him and am quite amused by the situation.  First he couldn’t find a marker and wanted to fuss at me about it.  I asked him what kind of marker he needed, and he got mad (I guess because I didn’t make one immediately appear in his hand) and got up and got himself a marker out of the closet.  Wow.  Then he needed a glue stick.  “Go get one,” I tell him.  He looks in the closet and can’t find one then fusses at his sister to get him one.  She got him one out of her art supply box.  He told her thank you.

While he was finishing, I went down to get a drink and make sure  Miss T was ready to go.  B finished the collage and was ready to go he was being nasty though.  Like all this crap was my fault.

Last night I told him I needed the dishwasher emptied before he left for school the next morning.  This is his new chore which he asked for so he could have some extra money for lunch each week.  No empty, no cash.  It wasn’t done and we were on our way out the door so I asked him for $1 to pay me back since now I have to empty it.  He gave me four quarters and then we were off to school.

He’s trying hard.  I know he is, but he’s having trouble managing.  I think he’s realizing that maybe his diagnosis is accurate.  I don’t think he’s ready to try the drugs yet - but he’s seeing himself in a new light - definitely.  Last week one day when he came home from school he asked if he could put the trampoline up.  I asked why and he said “I have ADD.  I need exercise.”  I think he realized after being expected to sit in a classroom all day that it is hard for him and he knows that exercise helps.

We’ll see where it goes…

 

Back to School

I had such a horrible experience with the school system and my ADD/Depressed/ODD son last year that I decided I have to keep a record of the things that occur this year.  B’s mishaps as well as the school’s mishaps.

2005-2006 FACTS…

• We are going back to court on the 15th of September
• B had lots of tardies and refused to spend the tardy detention resulting in ISS (In School Suspension)
• At the beginning of the year, there were a lot of absences.  B says those are days that he was in ISS.  The school cannot confirm or deny this as they did not keep a record of who was in ISS what hours on what days (nice I know).  They do now (or so I’m told) thanks to me.
• B had many ISS assignments due to ID violations.  He either refused to wear the ID around his neck or lost it (about 30 times).  ISS = more absences - some defined as ISS, some not.
• When he first had trouble with attendance, maybe in October of last year, we put him on the diversion program through the school.  That helped for a little while.  Ryan and Deana eventually recommended filing court papers because he began not to care again.  Ryan stopped by my house one afternoon to discuss and I told him to go ahead and file with the court.  When he left, I cried.
• When B went on the diversion program at school, I also contacted youth services for help in managing B and his attendance - they were able to offer the FIT program that included community service for unexcused absences or ISS or any other behavior problems.
• Our first trip to court was scheduled with a judge friend and he had to recuse himself so it got put off for a bit our judge is Hodson.  At the initial court date with him, he explained my rights since what they file is actually a ’Child in Need of Care’ case.  He ordered a PATH assessment which we’d already had done as well as an SRS assessment.  PATH assessment had been done as a result of my parent-referral to youth services.  SRS assessment was completed with Gina on 8/11/2006.
• As of May 18th, B had 1 C (Art), 3 Ds and 11 Fs.  He made up a bit in summer school - one semester of English and one semester of Algebra.  I think that gives his a total of 3 credits for his Freshman year.  Needless to say - he is at Freshman status again this year.
• He was officially diagnosed this summer with Attention Deficit Disorder, Depression and Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  It was recommended that he take Stratera.  B is opposed to taking any drugs.  We have agreed to no drugs for the 1st month of school.  If he can prove to us that he can control his behaviors without drugs we will let him remain drug free.  If he screws up this first month, he jas agreed to try the drugs.

So - where’s that leave us?  Well, so far he has gone to 3 days of school.  the first day was a freshman orientation thing so didn’t really count for anything.  In the first two realdays of school, I know of 1 homework assignment - a collage.  It isn’t done though he’s been talking about it and printing pictures for it.  It’s due tomorrow.  He went shopping this weekend for school clothes. We got him gym shorts and A-shirts and deodorant for weight training - so no excuses there.  I’ve asked him numerous times if there were any special supplies that he needed for any of his classes or any supplies that he needed to help him be organized.  The answer thus far has been no.  He has not given me any papers to sign (typically some teachers will send home syllabus or class rules or permission slips to be signed).

When we were getting ready to leave for school this morning I asked him if he had any homework to take with him - he said that he had it in his pocket.  I asked if he had his ID.  He said it was in his pocket.  I asked where his notebook and paper were.  He told me he’d lost it.  I told him to get another one from the closet so he did and also got a pencil and sharpened it.  While we were waiting for Miss T to join us in the van, I reminded him that this type of behavior was one that would get him put on drugs next month.  He said he knew and that it was “just an accident” I reminded him that he couldn’t afford accidents like that and then let it go.  I dropped him at school at 7:45am.

Things to do today:

1. Touch base with Christy - B’s dean.
2. Get access to InTouch for this school year